Don’t Wait!

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I used to say “I’m patiently waiting”, but today it hit me- why should I be waiting? Waiting around…. Aka loosing precious time that could be used to develop oneself even more so. Why should I be in hopes for something that I really just like the idea of and really just can’t wait for some things that really aren’t as important as we as humans make it out to be.  How can I truly enjoy my single season by LIVING it if I’m waiting?  Why wait? Perhaps it’s just me, maybe I am the only one- but I love the ability to make last minute plans, agree to anything I choose, and to stack my appts/plans back to back without ever having to worry about if that will work for someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe God did not intend for me to be alone, He’s got someone for me, but that is not the season that I’m in yet.

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I am in the “love thyself first” season- so why should I let this time escape me by waiting for the next season? I also believe that if I spend time waiting & not living, then I’ve put this season on pause which ultimately means that this season will last longer and longer. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t want to take any chances. What I do know is past experiences with potential mates- in that, I wasted precious time, I was not in the realization of the blessing that being single is. It only comes but once!  I was in a rush to be with someone and was more than willing to settle for 5th best or 2nd best. I’d rather live and let that door open on it’s own and enjoy all my friendships. I’d rather be surprised. I’d rather be in a mental/spiritual state to enjoy the process when it comes- because that too, only comes once. At least for me and my future spouse it will only come once- “for better or worse, in sickness & health….til death do us part” 
So I won’t wait, I refuse. I vow to LIVE, to enjoy, to be in joy, to love myself, to pursue my passions, to inhale the beauty that God has placed in my NOW life.

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Until next time,
Amanda

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Peacekeeper

This morning I set out to let everyone have their sides & even though I knew the details of another, I refused to add it to my relationship with the other. If no one else does it, then so be it, I’ll be the first!!  It is not worth it in life to let pride have it’s win by refusing to forgive.  Unforgiveness is lethal. It is NOT healthy. It’s death hidden in the heart slowly devouring us!  We miss out on important moments and blessings.  So I say, it stops with me. No more distance. No more he said she said. No more judgements based on another’s false accusation. We’re all human & as humans we’re not perfect. We say and do things we regret, we decorate our “storytelling”, we sit in our pride when we should reach out.  So many times I should have reached out, but no- I didn’t, because I was being my Italian stubborn self.  See, I’m guilty too!! 

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Time is not in our control, our loved ones could leave this earth at any moment, whether we were at peace with them or not. Time does not wait for forgiveness.  From an example that I witnessed, I would hate to know that someone I hadn’t forgave yet had passed away. Because the person I am, I would die inside knowing I didn’t make peace with them.  So, as 4 years have passed since the riff with my grandmother (NOT MY GG), one of the first things I did as I arrived at my GG’s celebration, was to go talk to my grandmother. To make amends. To be the peacekeeper.

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I have seen the pattern of unforgiveness, grudge holding, bitterness, avoidance- whatever you choose to call it- I’ve seen it & I’m sick of it. 
My GG was a role model to many, many, many people, one of which was her healthy lifestyle. She lived life & she moved on. She never held herself up in the past, she ALWAYS lived in the moment. Always. Every single picture I have seen of her reflects her living in the moment- enjoying life as it came.

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Health isn’t just the physical body & food, no, no- not at all!  It is emotional health and mental health- far more important than physical, in my opinion!  
Today wasn’t easy by far, but it needed to happen- what’s necessary is often what’s difficult.  Had I not done it? I would have missed out on a lot today, and I wouldn’t have grown to be a better person because of it. 
So what do I intend on doing now? Attempt to keep in contact with all of my family more (there sure are a lot of us!)  Of course, it must be reciprocated but at least my effort will be there! 
Until next time,
Amanda