Enjoy Your Season Before It Changes!

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I once read that we should thoroughly enjoy our single life while we can, because, once the right one comes along, well, before you know it, you’re married. The time of being single is a blessing from God but so many of us fail to gather that LOVE from God, so we still desire a person to be with in our life to get that “love”. We then become ungrateful for such a precious time God has given us…and, without realizing it, we’ve put our preparation time on pause because we seem to think our plans are better than God’s plans for us. I know, I know, that’s harsh- but the truth. How do I know? Because I’ve made the mistake before, and 2 of those times my heart got a lil too involved… so I added unneeded pain to my life. Of course, God is ever patient, loving and forgiving, so He’ll heal what’s hurt. What happens every time we put our preparation time with God on hold? WE PROLONG THE WAIT for the real man of God that He has for us!  To think, that if I had just let God prepare me 4, 5 or 6 years ago- I very well could have been married already! It’s all our choice.
I have to remind myself daily that I’m in preparation mode, I’m being prepared. Like Esther was prepared before she was brought to the king. We’re just like that. How am I being prepared?  I’m focusing on me, doing life for me, learning myself, accepting and fully loving myself. We must be whole beings ourselves before God can bring our spouse to us!  Two halves of people DO NOT make a whole when you come together, why? Because God is who completes us FAR before any man should be in the picture. A man isn’t what completes us. Having a mate is an addition to our life, a blessing, a new level of life. It’s not just about the fact that, “oh, yay, I can have sex now”, sure, that’s a great thing to look forward to but if that’s a focal point, it ain’t gonna work baby, cuz your goals are wrong!  Marriage is on a whole other level, it requires more love, patience and forgiveness  than the amount that we have right now… There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, there’s always going to be ups and downs, just like life itself is filled with ups and downs. If we’re not ready for it, we’ll be one of the ones to “give up” so easily. So, I’d rather wait until God says I’m ready, and when that day comes, will be the day that my spouse is also ready too. Yeah, I’m 28. That doesn’t bother me. A very close friend, who’s like a big sister to me, didn’t get married until she was 35! Guess what? That gives me reason and hope. I’m not worried, and you know what else? I bet if I fully surrender in this prep mode, the process just may go quicker!  However, I am thoroughly enjoying every moment of this season. Knowing that it’ll only come once, I am enjoying it all. All the alone time that I currently love? Yeah… I won’t have so much when I’m married, even further, next to none when I have my kids! So, I’m not in a rush, I am basking in the beauty of being single.
Since I’ve been getting fit and healthy, I’ve very recently (in the last 2wks) been experiencing more “attention”  and, can I just say, IT’S ANNOYING! 
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Lol, I was at lunch just yesterday with a friend and our waiter was hitting on me! Definitely not used to all that mess. I know, it comes with the territory, but I don’t know how to handle it in the way that God would have me deal with it!  God will show me, I’m sure of it, but it’s moments like that when I throw in a mental reminder to get my eyes back on track.
No man is worth my time if He doesn’t first love God from the depths of his soul, and I mean ACTIONS. Don’t feed me words, words are nothing but wasted air unless backed up by actions. In the beginning of 2014, I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship but I wanted to stay in it, so did he. Things crashed quickly because we WEREN’T READY. Whether or not that’s who God would have for me or not, doesn’t matter right now. It’s honestly, none of my business at this point in my life. I am happy to say that, he and I are pretty good friends right now, but I had to heal for about 2 months first. If I had just waited, and said no, I would have saved myself the extra hurt. So, I don’t know about you, but I am throwing a party of 1 for as long as I can, cuz this season will be changing soon and I wanna be ready when it comes. Until next time,
Amanda.

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You Are My Lesson Learned

It’s still not easy, but, if what happened hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have been awakened to things of which I was once asleep to. So, in an odd and weird way, thank you.

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Some things I’ve learned:
-When you have people in your corner (that love you deeply and root for you) that point out red flags in people or situations, DON’T brush it off. They obviously have wisdom and discern something that you don’t! Unfortunately, I brushed it off and had to see it for myself, which also came along with some hurt.
-What’s from God will never come in a rushed manner because if it’s a forever thing, why rush anything?
-What may seem like it’s everything you ever wanted, may just be a DISTRACTION.
-Don’t be so quick to think you’re ready, if the rest of your life isn’t put together.
-“Loose lips sink ships”, so goes the same as smooth words to the ear. Actions speak louder than words!
-God truly DOES know the desires of our heart, if the package is in the wrong wrapping paper, than it’s probably not yours!

Get your priorities straight!

When I’m super tired and I favor my sleep over getting up, that’s one more missed opportunity, one more self-sabotaging move. I refuse to keep a treadmil-like life, going but never getting. #Thistime I’m moving forward, I refuse to make old choices. Sleep can wait.
So glad I made it to #Zumba this morning. If you don’t count it a priority, then you’ll always be making excuses why you didn’t go.
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I realized IF I don’t count working out/Zumba as a priority, then I’ll always be making excuses why I didn’t do it.
I know some people may not understand the importance of Zumba to me- I have to look at the money I put into it is an investment to the future me. In order for me not to stay stuck like I was, I’ve got to do it. Even if that means that people I love question it.
This is me moving in forward motion, this is me knowing that I deserve this.
I’ve prayed about it, “God how am I gonna work out now that I’ve moved here?”. I was drawn to dance during our easter production prep, but I didn’t get it. Then, my step-mom invited me to Zumba one day. Now I’ve realized, God was telling me Zumba is my answer. That’s what zumba is, it’s dancing.

Freedom

While playing piano on Sunday, it came to me- I refuse to live the rest of my life living in fear.  I’m done being bound by these invisible chains that never allow me to move forward.
Just the other day, I had with my family what some may call, an intervention.  Definitely not expected and I’m pretty sure it was all planned out. There was a deep wound that goes way back, years and years in the making that has affected nearly every area of my life- the fear of failure, the fear of not being good enough.  Slowly everything began to click together. Why it has always seemed like my life has been on a treadmill- going, but not really getting anywhere.  Procrastination to the absolute maximum, even the easiest of things. Self-sabotage, waiting way too long and missing opportunities upon opportunities.  Knowing the right things to do, but never actually doing them. Starting and never finishing.  Believing everything was my fault. Words engraved into the depths of my being since I was young by parents.  Words spoken of lack, failure, a problem, never being good enough, a nobody, not worthy, not deserving of good things.  These were what have molded my reactions, choices, thoughts and words throughout my life. 

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This was a rude awakening.  I’ve gone through healing from my abusive childhood but what has still stuck with me is fear.  It’s as though all this time, I’ve been blinded and now a light has shined upon the very root of some pretty serious things in my life.  It is a horrible feeling to have all these dreams and goals yet, somehow, never being able to reach them. 
In light of my current goal: finding self, knowing that I’m deserving and worthy- I suppose this realization couldn’t have come at a more perfect time.  It is imperative that I know that I know that I know that I know that I am deserving and worthy of so many things, quite alot actually.  This fear goes real, real deep.  I am ready. I am ready for that freedom. I am ready for these chains of fear to be loosed. I am ready. This is the year I come out of hiding. Hiding behind those evil words. Hiding behind those filthy lies. I am so, so, so, SO much more!!!

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Because she owed it to herself to keep going… 
And on her 28th year, she rose up.  Out of the ashes, outshined in beauty.

“You’re time has come,” her maker said,
“You’re outfitted in facets of my light, ready. You’re my diamond brought out of darkness. There’s no more hiding, you are worth far more than precious rubies, my prized possession.”

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My Heart In Ink