Intuition

Will tell you when someone’s actions are ill-motivated

I saw the look of sadness flush over your face last night

The topic was not personal but you took it that way.

Pretended not to be jealous?

So I downplayed the situation

You’ll only sabotage me when your feeling pretty crappy.

I learned the hard way

The less you know, the less leverage you have.

Gifted with so many things and yet I somehow still manage to make you feel better,

When I left feeling crappier.

Belittling my gifts, how do you know what I can afford and what’s a stretch?

Did I tell you ?

I didn’t

How come a surprise guest was there and I wasn’t told

If you wonder why you know so little , it’s bcuz what you have been given, you’ve disrespected

Saying the very thing my sibling says, yet I go unheard.

They say it, and suddenly it’s the right idea.

I see.

I see what you think I don’t.

You think you’ve got the wool on my eyes,

Honey I’ve been peaking

Your tricks won’t work.

Randomly bringing up triggers like you don’t know.

Right.

Stepping on bruises and calling it an accident.

Anytime I have something to say, suddenly you are busy, Distracted

Why have my words been invalidated since I can remember?

I see you have done this any chance you have.

Suddenly the subject gets changed, when it’s my turn to talk

What is this bull shit?

Why do I see it now, when you’ve played me dirty this way since I was a kid?

Following suit the siblings do, unconsciously but no worries

I learned to stay ahead, move in silence

Without silence, my goals will be caught and sabotaged before their birth.

Watch me. I will speak. And I will not be afraid to do it.

Speaking now in fact

I am in silence now

& you know not of this writing

Moves in silence.

Sometimes our biggest discouragers are the ones who saw US before we did.

Traumas and fear cover it all up, but when I see clearly.

I see.

Although I wish I didn’t witness this ugly truth but it is what it is.

What will I do.

Keep moving silently.

Centimeter by centimeter, mile by mile.

Manifesting life, means shutting anyone out who doesn’t get it.

It’s my vision

It’s my purpose.

I stay quiet

Funny you think I’m broken, crawling still

But I been up a few months now.

Silence.

Feels good in the silence.

You find clarity for life

Peoples truths begin to reveal themselves

If my mouth is a weapon, then allow it to bring

Significance in my silence.

Allow the silence now, to speak for the volumes had

When I arrive, I’ll have already arrived.

Because intuition found me in my silence

That’s right, the silence that all wish I had stayed under.

When I made that first move in silence, it should have showed you.

That’s ok.

I don’t mind, bcuz I know my come up will put you to shame

Intuition

Yo siempre voy a saber.

My Motto.

And I do end up knowing.

I only keep it in silence until it’s too late for you to sabotage the idea.

When the idea has long been completed and tasked

You will continue to barely find out.

Why

Bcuz I see what I wasn’t meant to see

Now I see that which cannot be unseen.

I was shown the truth, so that it might set me free

God will always protect me, and protect me, He has.

Having seen, you think I didn’t pray for it to be revealed?

Pray boo pray.

God showed me

And I see.

God is my ever present help in need,

When I’m blinded by clouds,

He will be my flashlight.

I thought I could handle being his friend…

Through the past weeks I realized that I really couldn’t handle staying friends with the person who I had feelings for and nearly got into a relationship with. 
At first, I was sure that it could happen but as days went on being around him while with my friends, I found that I’d act different.  Whenever he would act really friendly to another female, I would get jealous!  These ladies were my friends and I knew that there was no way I could allow this type of division to come between us.  Not to mention that I didn’t even have a place to be jealous of anyone!  I had thoughts like- looks like he’s moved on, don’t tell me I got played and cracked open the door to my heart for nothing!

I had to stop right there- I had one more planned event that he was coming to and boy, did I dread it!  However, I smiled and acted like everything was A-ok. 😉 After that night, I began to distance myself.  I stopped messaging him, sending random funny pics, and acknowledging him in public places.  Is it easy?  It gets easier as each day passes but it was very difficult from the get go. I had to realize that even if what ran through my mind proves to be true- THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM! 

I owed it to myself to let go, I owed it to myself to allow God to heal what little there was/is to heal.  I deserve to shut that door in my life, even lock it up and burn it if I can!  Ok, I kid, I kid! Seriously,  I do deserve to trash all the romantic and futuristic things he said (about a future). 

So, is it possible to stay friends with one that you had a relationship with?
No. Not if you intend on moving on and killing those feelings.  We are worth so much more than to stress and fill our minds with could-haves, should-haves and would-haves!  After all, men turn their feelings off like the flip of a light switch!  So, why should these men take up any more space in our mind when they are no longer deserving to be there?  Our happiness is only being sucked dry for as long as we hold onto someone (or something) that no longer belongs.  So, my goal is to distance myself for as long as needed, (of course, I see him several times a week so I have to at least be cordial & polite) but anything else will not be happening! 

Until next time! 😁