Two wrongs don’t make a right.

These last few months have been pure growth. What have I learned? Just because someone is very friendly and nice to your face means nothing.  Don’t be stupid and share your past with someone you hardly know. NO MATTER how trustworthy they seem to you. Even if it’s someone you see as a mentor. Nope. Shut it down.
Last year, I made the horrible mistake of sharing something that I should have never shared. As coincidences had it, I met the brother of this so-called friend at MY brother-in-Laws’ bday party. Turned out, he was one of his best friends. A month later, this guy says he couldn’t stop thinking of me since we met at the bday party. So he manages to find me via Facebook & immediately asked me out on a date. Quick much? Yes!!!!  So I obviously turned him down but I WAS still interested. He was a nice guy. Things were great. UNTIL I made the mistake of telling his sister (my supposed friend).  After many months passed, I finally find out what I suspected all along- he told me that his sister told him a bunch of stuff about me. For THREE months I kept silent, every time I’d see this “friend” I’d be friendly but I was no longer happy with this person. Yeah, I chose to be nice & pretend like I didn’t know what she did. I pretended like I didn’t know that she sabotaged everything.  I had stopped talking to her brother for about 6 weeks and then, like clockwork, he began trying to get my attention yet again- but at this point I was fed up with pretending & I had come to the conclusion that had it not been for her telling my secrets, I would be with someone that I shouldn’t be with.  I no longer felt the same way about him but those feelings were starting to wake up again & I knew I had to do what I didn’t want to. I set ground rules & told him I would only be his friend and never anything more. Then, at the same time, I also confronted his sister(my supposed friend). I was tired of pretending & ready to close the door to that season, once and for all.  Her reason was “he needed to make a well-informed decision” & backed it up with “don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same for your siblings” aha! Well played! However, two wrongs have never made anything right. I got to thinking and realized, she has a point but only within reason. IF my past was ALSO my present, then, Sure- tell- but this in fact was not a current thing & what made matters worse, she even made up stories to make me appear to be worse than I was & am. Hmmm… OK can I just point out that he came back 2 times? Because he must have missed me, right? So yeah, I admit to my mistakes but she surely will keep hers justified. That’s fine by me. Somehow it’s ok to royally hurt someone who looked up to you & trusted you? To make up stories? Who are you? Really? You appear to be a super happy person to everyone you see, but are you really happy? Genuinely? Does it make you feel better about yourself when you cast judgement, lies, hypocrisy & gossip? Is that really all you have to do in life? I really, I mean REALLY thought you were an intelligent, confident, successful & genuinely happy human being. However, truly happy & intelligent people don’t waste their conversations talking about other people.  Why? Because they have more important things to fill their life with.   This facade you carry on will eventually trip you up. The mask you wear will eventually fall off & you’ll eventually pay for all the pain & hurt you’ve caused others.  I will leave you where you are because it is NOT my responsibility to take revenge. I just feel sorry for you, I would NOT want to be on the other side of God’s anger- which is actually the reason why I will ALWAYS remain nice to you. I will forgive you no matter how bad it hurts. My responsibility is to love. Eventually I’ll be ok. Yes, I still thank you for speaking but it doesn’t change the hurt that you’ve caused in my heart.  Time heals all things & the truth always reveals itself.

image

Advertisements

Enjoy Your Season Before It Changes!

image

I once read that we should thoroughly enjoy our single life while we can, because, once the right one comes along, well, before you know it, you’re married. The time of being single is a blessing from God but so many of us fail to gather that LOVE from God, so we still desire a person to be with in our life to get that “love”. We then become ungrateful for such a precious time God has given us…and, without realizing it, we’ve put our preparation time on pause because we seem to think our plans are better than God’s plans for us. I know, I know, that’s harsh- but the truth. How do I know? Because I’ve made the mistake before, and 2 of those times my heart got a lil too involved… so I added unneeded pain to my life. Of course, God is ever patient, loving and forgiving, so He’ll heal what’s hurt. What happens every time we put our preparation time with God on hold? WE PROLONG THE WAIT for the real man of God that He has for us!  To think, that if I had just let God prepare me 4, 5 or 6 years ago- I very well could have been married already! It’s all our choice.
I have to remind myself daily that I’m in preparation mode, I’m being prepared. Like Esther was prepared before she was brought to the king. We’re just like that. How am I being prepared?  I’m focusing on me, doing life for me, learning myself, accepting and fully loving myself. We must be whole beings ourselves before God can bring our spouse to us!  Two halves of people DO NOT make a whole when you come together, why? Because God is who completes us FAR before any man should be in the picture. A man isn’t what completes us. Having a mate is an addition to our life, a blessing, a new level of life. It’s not just about the fact that, “oh, yay, I can have sex now”, sure, that’s a great thing to look forward to but if that’s a focal point, it ain’t gonna work baby, cuz your goals are wrong!  Marriage is on a whole other level, it requires more love, patience and forgiveness  than the amount that we have right now… There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, there’s always going to be ups and downs, just like life itself is filled with ups and downs. If we’re not ready for it, we’ll be one of the ones to “give up” so easily. So, I’d rather wait until God says I’m ready, and when that day comes, will be the day that my spouse is also ready too. Yeah, I’m 28. That doesn’t bother me. A very close friend, who’s like a big sister to me, didn’t get married until she was 35! Guess what? That gives me reason and hope. I’m not worried, and you know what else? I bet if I fully surrender in this prep mode, the process just may go quicker!  However, I am thoroughly enjoying every moment of this season. Knowing that it’ll only come once, I am enjoying it all. All the alone time that I currently love? Yeah… I won’t have so much when I’m married, even further, next to none when I have my kids! So, I’m not in a rush, I am basking in the beauty of being single.
Since I’ve been getting fit and healthy, I’ve very recently (in the last 2wks) been experiencing more “attention”  and, can I just say, IT’S ANNOYING! 
image
Lol, I was at lunch just yesterday with a friend and our waiter was hitting on me! Definitely not used to all that mess. I know, it comes with the territory, but I don’t know how to handle it in the way that God would have me deal with it!  God will show me, I’m sure of it, but it’s moments like that when I throw in a mental reminder to get my eyes back on track.
No man is worth my time if He doesn’t first love God from the depths of his soul, and I mean ACTIONS. Don’t feed me words, words are nothing but wasted air unless backed up by actions. In the beginning of 2014, I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship but I wanted to stay in it, so did he. Things crashed quickly because we WEREN’T READY. Whether or not that’s who God would have for me or not, doesn’t matter right now. It’s honestly, none of my business at this point in my life. I am happy to say that, he and I are pretty good friends right now, but I had to heal for about 2 months first. If I had just waited, and said no, I would have saved myself the extra hurt. So, I don’t know about you, but I am throwing a party of 1 for as long as I can, cuz this season will be changing soon and I wanna be ready when it comes. Until next time,
Amanda.