It’s so crazy that even tho God forgives us and puts aside our sins, we still hold them over our own head. As if to punish ourselves, at least that’s how I’ve always been with myself. Being nice, patient, forgiving, accepting and loving to ourselves should be so important. However, I don’t know about you, but for me, I’m horrible with myself! They say “we’re our own worst critic” and, it is so true. How can someone love me, if I don’t love me? How can I love someone else fully if I dont love myself fully? Sometimes, our outward reactions to people are mere reflections as to how we feel about ourselves. Why though? Why is it that other people have to take the brunt of it, when it’s really an inner thing that we’re unhappy with? Outward change won’t be successful without first beginning on what’s on the inside. Deal with the heart issues. Dare to question yourself. Learn yourself, and grow to love who you are in the time being, love your body while it’s changing. Treat yourself with utmost respect and love. Let me tell you, it’s not an easy road but it’s what you need to do. However and whatever that means for you. For me, my biggest thing is getting healthier. I used my weight over the last 7 years to hide behind, I didn’t want the gawks by all those dirty men, I wanted to be hidden because I was hurt and used by all the wrong people in my past. It sickened me and I stereotyped certain nationalities because of it. Just being honest! However, through all that hiding, I was doing more than building a fatty wall, I was putting myself through more and more pain, slowly killing myself and choosing to be satisfied with it. I allowed everything in life to just move on a treadmil. Going, going, going, going, but no destination. Countless times putting a smile on and lying so well that I was “happy” that I actually believed it myself. So, when I turned 28(just a few months ago) there was a switch, an alert that went off and my limit had been reached. God told me it was time to come out of hiding, even at that time, I didn’t grasp the exact meaning of it, I knew somehow, it was time for some serious change. It was time I started to love myself how He loves me, flaws and all, as I am and to wake my faith back up and remind myself it was time to dream again, time to have some goals. I had to tell myself it was ok to do so, ok to dream, to release that fear, to reach out again, believe again. This Journey is NOT easy, BUT I am loving every moment. God has placed people in my life to help me, and some of these people don’t even realize that God is using them. It’s not alot of people, but I am ever greatful for each and every one, whether they’ve been in my life for years, or if they just barely came in my life within the last few months. Here’s to loving ME, and letting the real Amanda, who God truly created to shine, to blossom.