Perfect

In this moment

Cuddling in your arms

There’s nothing I would change,

Nothing I want more of,

Nothing I want less of.

There is no hurt.

There is no confusion.

It’s perfect.

Perfect the way I breathe you in

Perfect the way you hold me tight

Perfect the way your face rests against mine

Perfect the way we breathe

In sync

In harmony

In peace

In love

Perfect.

And nothing could ever replace

What I feel inside my soul

The way that I know

That I don’t want this to change

That I know that it won’t change

That this, I want until I breathe my last breath.

In your arms

In your embrace

With the beat of your heart I can hear.

Perfect.

Through ups and downs, I still know

There will always be potholes

Always be cracks in the road

Always be traffic jams

In the road of life…

But with or without you,

That is life in a nutshell.

So I choose to share this road with you

Because, in an imperfect world

Full of chaos

Full of pain

Full of drama,

I still get those moments with you

That are perfect.

Priceless.

Endless.

Irreplaceable.

Perfect.

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Somehow

Somehow it happened.
It slipped passed my guards.
But maybe I had my guard down so the moment of attack was easy.
Mixed between who I am yet being drawn in the opposite direction.
Partially fighting my way back out, closing the door yet still enjoying the moments that should never happen
Releasing words that should stay in silence
What is happening?
So indecisive.
Knowing what’s right-
But you are not it, but you’re still here.
Knowing I should close the door
But you’re still there.
Somehow caught up in this complicated game when I said I’d never play games- here I am. 
Why a connection?
No no no. Then it made it worse.
What’s happening?
I keep hoping you’ll leave on your own but silently hope you’ll stay.
But if I let you stay, I might just lose it all.
Somehow.
Somehow it happened.
Somehow I need help,
I pray God will close the door
I am too weak to shut it on my own-
Because I want the door open but who I truly am and am continuing into cannot have an open door to you.
Connection, distance, coincidences, familiarities, commons & mutual friendships
Perhaps not by chance but by purpose but what purpose?
A greater purpose beyond what I see?
Maybe this door was broken into,
Maybe the key didn’t come until later.
Somehow.
Somehow it happened.

Peacekeeper

This morning I set out to let everyone have their sides & even though I knew the details of another, I refused to add it to my relationship with the other. If no one else does it, then so be it, I’ll be the first!!  It is not worth it in life to let pride have it’s win by refusing to forgive.  Unforgiveness is lethal. It is NOT healthy. It’s death hidden in the heart slowly devouring us!  We miss out on important moments and blessings.  So I say, it stops with me. No more distance. No more he said she said. No more judgements based on another’s false accusation. We’re all human & as humans we’re not perfect. We say and do things we regret, we decorate our “storytelling”, we sit in our pride when we should reach out.  So many times I should have reached out, but no- I didn’t, because I was being my Italian stubborn self.  See, I’m guilty too!! 

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Time is not in our control, our loved ones could leave this earth at any moment, whether we were at peace with them or not. Time does not wait for forgiveness.  From an example that I witnessed, I would hate to know that someone I hadn’t forgave yet had passed away. Because the person I am, I would die inside knowing I didn’t make peace with them.  So, as 4 years have passed since the riff with my grandmother (NOT MY GG), one of the first things I did as I arrived at my GG’s celebration, was to go talk to my grandmother. To make amends. To be the peacekeeper.

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I have seen the pattern of unforgiveness, grudge holding, bitterness, avoidance- whatever you choose to call it- I’ve seen it & I’m sick of it. 
My GG was a role model to many, many, many people, one of which was her healthy lifestyle. She lived life & she moved on. She never held herself up in the past, she ALWAYS lived in the moment. Always. Every single picture I have seen of her reflects her living in the moment- enjoying life as it came.

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Health isn’t just the physical body & food, no, no- not at all!  It is emotional health and mental health- far more important than physical, in my opinion!  
Today wasn’t easy by far, but it needed to happen- what’s necessary is often what’s difficult.  Had I not done it? I would have missed out on a lot today, and I wouldn’t have grown to be a better person because of it. 
So what do I intend on doing now? Attempt to keep in contact with all of my family more (there sure are a lot of us!)  Of course, it must be reciprocated but at least my effort will be there! 
Until next time,
Amanda

You’re worth it

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In the rush of life, and the day in age in which we live- society molds our brains to think that at a certain age we should settle. At a certain age we should be married, have a career and so on…. but when the time is right, the time will come. Enjoy your single life while you can, one day that man made just for you will show up- but will you be ready?
I recently experienced some, what one might call, “freaking out” when a man came into my life that seemed to match everything on my list. I wasn’t expecting or looking for it, but neither was I ready ! Hence, the reason why I freaked out. My heart wasn’t ready nor was my body but everything within me wanted to just go for it, just dive in to the relationship. Why? Because I was on the verge of becoming 28 years old and hadn’t been in a relationship for about 4 years. When everyone’s approval of this quickly blossoming relationship shouted louder in my ears than the whisper that was in my spirit- Who’s to say “he” isn’t the one, who’s to say he is? I had to make a difficult decision, face the truth- I wasn’t ready. I still had healing to recieve in my heart, I still needed to be fully complete within myself. Don’t be afraid to put that possibility on hold, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Focus on YOU. You are what’s worth it, put your time and effort into you because you deserve it. That’s my focus, learning me. When you know your worth, you won’t settle for a bargain deal- because only the best, deserve the best!
Don’t settle baby girl!!