Perfect

In this moment

Cuddling in your arms

There’s nothing I would change,

Nothing I want more of,

Nothing I want less of.

There is no hurt.

There is no confusion.

It’s perfect.

Perfect the way I breathe you in

Perfect the way you hold me tight

Perfect the way your face rests against mine

Perfect the way we breathe

In sync

In harmony

In peace

In love

Perfect.

And nothing could ever replace

What I feel inside my soul

The way that I know

That I don’t want this to change

That I know that it won’t change

That this, I want until I breathe my last breath.

In your arms

In your embrace

With the beat of your heart I can hear.

Perfect.

Through ups and downs, I still know

There will always be potholes

Always be cracks in the road

Always be traffic jams

In the road of life…

But with or without you,

That is life in a nutshell.

So I choose to share this road with you

Because, in an imperfect world

Full of chaos

Full of pain

Full of drama,

I still get those moments with you

That are perfect.

Priceless.

Endless.

Irreplaceable.

Perfect.

Advertisements

Breathe Again

It has been months since I’ve set out to write but I must say that it has been an interesting & busy few months. Being that it is nearing the end of the year, I have begun to reflect on all 2015 has brought. It’s had alot of heartache, but it has also had a lot of long awaited answered prayers, a growing into self, & letting go of meaningless stresses.

I feel as though I’ve been coasting along lately. From family tragedies to break ups, to crazy experiences, to betrayal, to healing, closure, love & forgiveness. I haven’t been speeding OR on pause. Just coasting. Rolling with the punches & accepting that God desires to use me despite my many, many, many, many shortcomings, mistakes & imperfections. Perhaps I judge myself too harshly. Expecting to be better all the time but I’m not. I’ve learned to speak less, share less. Listen more & to be extremely selective & attentive.  To listen to my spirit, when God whispers something to me that ultimately changes a situation or person from night to day, or something about a person but to know when or if to tell them. I’ve learned to not forsake that inner discernment, that inner “knowing”. I’ve learned to be in the moment, to just let things happen as they do, no expectation or anticipation. To be open to anything, to any adventure, any opportunity. To flow. I’ve had to let go of things, thoughts, judgments & people for my health. Some things & people in our life are just there to add more anxiety to our lives.  Worrying is a killer.   Not everyone cares like they appear to, not everyone is genuine with their words to us.  In fact, most actually don’t care & if we aren’t wise, we’ll share our hearts with mouths of running water & cold hands.

Through it all, I still see God remind me of His undying love for me. Tiny moments that remind me God is working & although the road may be tough, His blessings, His favor & His grace follow me. NO MATTER WHAT. I think the person that looks down on me the most is MYSELF & I’m not afraid to admit it because I know I’m NOT the only one. I know we all share similar struggles. I refuse to stay quiet about my imperfections & struggles because someone out there needs authenticity. They need raw truth. They need to know they’re not alone. They need to know someone cares because they can relate. They need to know that they’ll get through it. They need to know that they’re gonna be ok eventually.  This is why I write. This is why I share. Compassion & the Love of God are two things that I know I can give easily.

So I say to you, dear reader, flow. Remind yourself to breathe. Life is a learning experience, so might as well enjoy the ride!  As my good friend always tells me “just Relax Amanda.”   Then, I remember, “oh yeah, that’s right. Relax. Less stress. Don’t worry.” And I put my shoulders down & breathe. 

Unsaid

As odd as it may sound, I am a very trusting person (even tho I only fully trust a handful of people), in that, I believe others to be as I am- who believe in the best even though they know the worst in you. You can present me with the craziest, wildest, most horrifying thing and I will never look at you differently because it’s never my job to judge. I am also a person of my word, when I say I won’t say anything, I mean it. When I tell someone I trust them, it is because I believe their word.  I hate for promises to be broken and I only commit to what I know I can keep. I am a very loving person. Unfortunately, most people do not have the same heart & love as do I. Even more unfortunate, is when you find out that you’ve been outted by the person you least expected.  Yup. It’s a crusher but when you know you have a choice to make- avoidance or accept it and learn from it. Oh how I wish I could have taken the easier route!!!   Things happen in life so we can learn from them, and if you’re hard headed (stubborn like me), that often means learning the hard way. 
So what am I learning? The true meaning of silence is golden.  In short, my life shouldn’t be as open as a book as I’ve allowed it to be…  Because, frankly, words can be turned, flipped and switched (just like the childhood game of telephone)…. Not necessarily by the person who opened their mouth, but the person to which those ears who heard belong to!!  Oh Gossip. You are so juicy, but you cause so much trouble & death to many friendships!   Sounds a lot like the apple Eve ate in the garden of eden, huh? Or really, sin in general. Sin feels good but in the end?  Well, let’s not go there, shall we?!  The truth of the matter is, it all comes down to our mouth. We hold the power of life and death in our tongue. That for me, is a new realization- am I unknowingly self-sabotaging by sharing things with the wrong people? Perhaps.  So, here’s to selective sharing from here on out!
Until next time,
Amanda

You Are My Lesson Learned

It’s still not easy, but, if what happened hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have been awakened to things of which I was once asleep to. So, in an odd and weird way, thank you.

image

Some things I’ve learned:
-When you have people in your corner (that love you deeply and root for you) that point out red flags in people or situations, DON’T brush it off. They obviously have wisdom and discern something that you don’t! Unfortunately, I brushed it off and had to see it for myself, which also came along with some hurt.
-What’s from God will never come in a rushed manner because if it’s a forever thing, why rush anything?
-What may seem like it’s everything you ever wanted, may just be a DISTRACTION.
-Don’t be so quick to think you’re ready, if the rest of your life isn’t put together.
-“Loose lips sink ships”, so goes the same as smooth words to the ear. Actions speak louder than words!
-God truly DOES know the desires of our heart, if the package is in the wrong wrapping paper, than it’s probably not yours!