I thought I could handle being his friend…

Through the past weeks I realized that I really couldn’t handle staying friends with the person who I had feelings for and nearly got into a relationship with. 
At first, I was sure that it could happen but as days went on being around him while with my friends, I found that I’d act different.  Whenever he would act really friendly to another female, I would get jealous!  These ladies were my friends and I knew that there was no way I could allow this type of division to come between us.  Not to mention that I didn’t even have a place to be jealous of anyone!  I had thoughts like- looks like he’s moved on, don’t tell me I got played and cracked open the door to my heart for nothing!

I had to stop right there- I had one more planned event that he was coming to and boy, did I dread it!  However, I smiled and acted like everything was A-ok. 😉 After that night, I began to distance myself.  I stopped messaging him, sending random funny pics, and acknowledging him in public places.  Is it easy?  It gets easier as each day passes but it was very difficult from the get go. I had to realize that even if what ran through my mind proves to be true- THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM! 
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I owed it to myself to let go, I owed it to myself to allow God to heal what little there was/is to heal.  I deserve to shut that door in my life, even lock it up and burn it if I can!  Ok, I kid, I kid! Seriously,  I do deserve to trash all the romantic and futuristic things he said (about a future). 

So, is it possible to stay friends with one that you had a relationship with?
No. Not if you intend on moving on and killing those feelings.  We are worth so much more than to stress and fill our minds with could-haves, should-haves and would-haves!  After all, men turn their feelings off like the flip of a light switch!  So, why should these men take up any more space in our mind when they are no longer deserving to be there?  Our happiness is only being sucked dry for as long as we hold onto someone (or something) that no longer belongs.  So, my goal is to distance myself for as long as needed, (of course, I see him several times a week so I have to at least be cordial & polite) but anything else will not be happening! 

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Until next time! 😁

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Because she owed it to herself to keep going… 
And on her 28th year, she rose up.  Out of the ashes, outshined in beauty.

“You’re time has come,” her maker said,
“You’re outfitted in facets of my light, ready. You’re my diamond brought out of darkness. There’s no more hiding, you are worth far more than precious rubies, my prized possession.”

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My Heart In Ink