Enjoy Your Season Before It Changes!

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I once read that we should thoroughly enjoy our single life while we can, because, once the right one comes along, well, before you know it, you’re married. The time of being single is a blessing from God but so many of us fail to gather that LOVE from God, so we still desire a person to be with in our life to get that “love”. We then become ungrateful for such a precious time God has given us…and, without realizing it, we’ve put our preparation time on pause because we seem to think our plans are better than God’s plans for us. I know, I know, that’s harsh- but the truth. How do I know? Because I’ve made the mistake before, and 2 of those times my heart got a lil too involved… so I added unneeded pain to my life. Of course, God is ever patient, loving and forgiving, so He’ll heal what’s hurt. What happens every time we put our preparation time with God on hold? WE PROLONG THE WAIT for the real man of God that He has for us!  To think, that if I had just let God prepare me 4, 5 or 6 years ago- I very well could have been married already! It’s all our choice.
I have to remind myself daily that I’m in preparation mode, I’m being prepared. Like Esther was prepared before she was brought to the king. We’re just like that. How am I being prepared?  I’m focusing on me, doing life for me, learning myself, accepting and fully loving myself. We must be whole beings ourselves before God can bring our spouse to us!  Two halves of people DO NOT make a whole when you come together, why? Because God is who completes us FAR before any man should be in the picture. A man isn’t what completes us. Having a mate is an addition to our life, a blessing, a new level of life. It’s not just about the fact that, “oh, yay, I can have sex now”, sure, that’s a great thing to look forward to but if that’s a focal point, it ain’t gonna work baby, cuz your goals are wrong!  Marriage is on a whole other level, it requires more love, patience and forgiveness  than the amount that we have right now… There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, there’s always going to be ups and downs, just like life itself is filled with ups and downs. If we’re not ready for it, we’ll be one of the ones to “give up” so easily. So, I’d rather wait until God says I’m ready, and when that day comes, will be the day that my spouse is also ready too. Yeah, I’m 28. That doesn’t bother me. A very close friend, who’s like a big sister to me, didn’t get married until she was 35! Guess what? That gives me reason and hope. I’m not worried, and you know what else? I bet if I fully surrender in this prep mode, the process just may go quicker!  However, I am thoroughly enjoying every moment of this season. Knowing that it’ll only come once, I am enjoying it all. All the alone time that I currently love? Yeah… I won’t have so much when I’m married, even further, next to none when I have my kids! So, I’m not in a rush, I am basking in the beauty of being single.
Since I’ve been getting fit and healthy, I’ve very recently (in the last 2wks) been experiencing more “attention”  and, can I just say, IT’S ANNOYING! 
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Lol, I was at lunch just yesterday with a friend and our waiter was hitting on me! Definitely not used to all that mess. I know, it comes with the territory, but I don’t know how to handle it in the way that God would have me deal with it!  God will show me, I’m sure of it, but it’s moments like that when I throw in a mental reminder to get my eyes back on track.
No man is worth my time if He doesn’t first love God from the depths of his soul, and I mean ACTIONS. Don’t feed me words, words are nothing but wasted air unless backed up by actions. In the beginning of 2014, I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship but I wanted to stay in it, so did he. Things crashed quickly because we WEREN’T READY. Whether or not that’s who God would have for me or not, doesn’t matter right now. It’s honestly, none of my business at this point in my life. I am happy to say that, he and I are pretty good friends right now, but I had to heal for about 2 months first. If I had just waited, and said no, I would have saved myself the extra hurt. So, I don’t know about you, but I am throwing a party of 1 for as long as I can, cuz this season will be changing soon and I wanna be ready when it comes. Until next time,
Amanda.

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Walk In Faith, Head Held High

As a few weeks have passed since the near death of my sister, here are some things that have transpired-
She spent a week in a hospital and she’s doing better. Without delving into details, let’s just say that my faith is still up in believing that God is going to flip her life around. It is only a matter of time, that lil girl is backed up by way to much prayer for her life NOT be eventually changed. I am accepting everything as is, but my faith is on where she’ll one day be, despite the current circumstances.  Speaking with my mother has gotten ALOT easier, not to say that it’s fun or enjoyable or that I even agree with all that she says- but easier as in, I have successfully dropped the hedge over her head, accepted her as she is, faults and all. I spoke to her today and her beliefs are slightly more “religious” or “strict” then those of my own…. I had the PERFECT opportunity to try to prove my side, or correct or even to just get irritated. The whole point of our conversation wasn’t to disagree, it was speaking of my sister. So, I took the higher road, accepted what she said and just kept with the conversation. Definitely an accomplishment. The last few weeks haven’t been the best, but they have been full of hope and new insight with an opportunity to get even closer to Christ and to become more keen to His voice when He speaks.  I’d say there’s been alot of clarity and understanding of things that I didn’t “get” before.  Through the help of the Holy Spirit, I’m able to see my sister’s situation for what it truly is, even when she says one thing, it really means something else. I am finally beginning to see what God meant when He said it was time to come out of hiding. There are things that I’ve dealt with in my life that I can see in my sis and nail exactly what it is and know how to stop it. Now, whether or not she takes the advice or not, is entirely up to her, I am only the mouthpiece!    The other day, there was a bit of an uproar… my father is very frustrated about this situation and he was expressing his frustration about it to me. However, that moment put me back years- it was a real life childhood flashback. Everything I ever felt when I was a kid getting yelled at, became real, in my 28year old body. Through this experience were definitely tears, panic and fear but most of all I had to confront him about how he made me feel. In my step-mom’s words, “break the trigger”. Forcefully, I let those words out and the remainder of our conversation was significantly better. After all that, I HAD to take a stress break, what did I do? I went to my Zumba class and danced that yuck off, came back and ate with the family, feeling relieved! 
All in all, it has been tough, but it has been a growing season.
In the tough times of life, it’s so important to remind ourselves (or a friend will remind us for us!) that we must keep our faith! Keeping our faith in the storms of life is so important because if not, we can lose our joy, our light, our shine, our umph.  Realize that storms pass, and it’ll all be alright soon. Keep your head held high, remembering that this battle is already won by Christ. Don’t look at the negative in it, seek out the positive, where do you see God working it this? Where do you see the bad beginning to turn for the good?  Be thankful for tiniest of things in this time, for they’ll spark your joy. Thankfulness and praise are key to keeping your faith up!!!  You can’t be in faith if all you allow yourself to see is negative!      Until next time,
-Amanda

Awakened

Sunday I recieved some pretty crazy news that left me in shock, my sister almost died Friday night. All I could think, was, “my God, I almost lost my sister, I almost lost her.”  My mom was there to pray that night, and I couldn’t help but be thankful.
Now, before I go any further, let me explain something.
Growing up wasn’t easy, my dad was abusive and my mom was always the bystander, even sometimes lying to save herself… and in turn I’d get beat. So, needless to say, there’s been alot of bitterness and distrust built up for my mom. My brother and sister are significantly younger than I am, my sister being the youngest.  So, through the years, I’ve done my best to forgive her for alot of selfish and careless things she’s done, but whenever something new would happen, ie- marriage #2, 3, 4, 5 and all the in betweens, plus the fascade she carried of being this “oh so holy person”, that bitterness would flare up and I’d be disgusted with her.
A few months ago, I got an accidental phone call, a friend accidentally called the wrong Amanda and I received news that “my mom passed away”, before I came to my senses of “wait, why is my friend telling me this?”- My heart had sunk. After the mix up, I was surprised that I actually felt that way, I was thrown off! So, since then, I’ve occasionally thought, “what would happen if my mom really DID die? Would I be satisfied with the way our relationship is?”  Today,  I was finally able to answer that question with confidence. No, I would not be ok, I’d feel like crap knowing that I held all this over my mom’s head and never once bothered to give her credit for all the times that meant the most.
My senior year of High school, I had decided to buy some weed from a person I never bought from. I decided to smoke it before school, alone. THAT WEED WAS HEAVILY LACED. I don’t know with what, but I thought I was gonna die. I remember the feelings so vividly even tho it was so long ago. I was freaking out and I remember being outside, by myself and I looked up and yelled “God, help me, I don’t know what’s going on with me, help me!!!!!!” Guess what?  My mom shows up alot earlier than she was supposed to. I tried to hide my panic but I was so gone, I didn’t even realize I left the lighter sticking out of my back pocket and my mom saw it. Then I broke down, and told her what was going on. She ended up praying for me and took a hammer to the lighter and burned the rest of my weed on the cement floor all while praying. Then, she handed me an orange soda, and said, “here, this will make you feel better.” When I got to school I felt significantly better, and I remember that whole day felt like a dream. Do you know what else? She didn’t tell my dad. I believe my mother’s prayer is what changed things. The same goes for what happened with my sister, if my Mother wasn’t a woman who knew how to pray and call on the help of God, I believe with all my heart that my sister wouldn’t have made it through what happened to her. 
This whole experience has awakened me to realize that although my mother hasn’t been the best, and has made countless mistakes, she has still ALWAYS been there for me.  This isn’t easy to come to this conclusion, but it’s the truth. No one is perfect, and everyone screws up- but God never holds it over us, so why should we? We’ve been given grace to live and to have eternal life in Heaven, when rather, we’re all sinners, deserving of hell… but God sent Christ, Christ died on the cross, an INNOCENT MAN, for all of mankind. He died to save us, so we could be free, with forgiveness of all our sin. So, I felt guilty for acting as if my mom wasn’t deserving of my forgiveness, as if I’d never done anything wrong. Trust!! I have had my share, and I STILL mess up. I’ve always been able to love people no matter what, but with my mom, it was different. So, I had to step back and realize, that I hadn’t fully been loving as I should. So, I am slowly pushing that bitterness out, and making myself communicate with her. Afterall, now is definitely a time to have peace and be in unity, not just because we should, but for my sister’s sake.  She needs all the support she can get, only positive vibes.
My sister, by the way, is doing better, but still in transition, this is only the beginning of a process of change for her. I love her to pieces, I’d be so torn if she died. She’s a fighter, that girl, I pray that she’ll realize that. Until next time.
-Amanda

Words: either life giving or to death- choose wisely!

No one can make you do it. The only excuse holding you back is you.

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I was the girl who had a sea full of excuses, and those excuses were rooted in fear. I didn’t want to try because I thought I couldn’t do it, because I thought I’d fail anyway, because I believed the lies inside my head. I allowed the unknown to leave me complacent in life, unbeknownst to me, literally BOUND by fear. I believed I wasn’t deserving of good things, of treating myself as one who deserved the goodness of life.
Despite my beliefs and relationship with God, I was still tangled up by the lies and roots of all I was ever told as a child. Never tell your child anything negative about themselves- YOU are molding thier definition of self. It’s the most difficult thing to break out of and rebuild, don’t do it. Love your children no matter how many horrible things they do. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS believe the best, have faith, let your words be full of life, love and encouragement. I know what it is to be bashed by your parents words. It’s horrible.
So, today, choose life, not just in how you live, but in WHAT you speak. It begins with our thoughts, not everything that runs through our brain is true! Some of it is rooted in fear- fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success etc etc… The battle truly begins in our mind, and IF we can filter out the negative, then what comes out of our mouth will be life giving. Whether it be words and beliefs of your ability OR to a loved one. Our words are so vital to our success or failure. If you don’t believe in yourself from the beginning, then you’ve already failed. You ARE capable.
You ARE smart. You CAN do whatever you put your mind to. Believe that it’s possible, and for myself, I rely not on my strength, but God’s. It is truly through Him that I can do anything, and He is the ONLY reason why I’ve been able to do this. So, so, SO many times my thoughts got in the way!!  I prayed that God would send help my way, not just his supernatural strength, but people. People that are hands, feet and mouthpieces for God- He sent me 2 people. How do I know that they’re Heaven sent? Because I didn’t know either of them before I began the journey to a healthy me. I began the journey, I prayed and there they were. I’m so thankful for them, I can’t even begin to explain!  Ha. Well, until next time,
-Amanda