Pause

Settle me in sand and sea

To see the seashells and feel the breeze

Running through my hair

Brushing past my face

Breathing in deeply, the salty breeze

So refreshing, so soothing

Close my eyes, envisioning light

Bright white

Protected

Bubble of light about my being

Sun shining down on me as the Son does

Warmth of peace

All is well, while chaos scatters itself

No fear,

remnants only graduate upon completion.

Mind chatter, loud and clear

Counted are your tears in a bottle

In darkness, your screams are heard

But to embrace a shadow

Self.

Embrace wholly, fully entirely

All versions, all pasts

You are one in the same

Rejoice you are complete

Ready to live fully in what was only a child’s dream

Firmly stanced,

Armored in love,

Crowned in light.

Mighty warrior, sweet, beautiful soul

Fly like your inner child

Those wings belong to you

Release.

Rejoice.

Rest.

All is well, my dear.

All is well.

Self-Care

Life got too chaotic

Tried to keep up

I couldn’t

Lost something that I knew God had already closed the door to

Still, I was shook to my core

Ignorance was my friend

Then, like clockwork

Panic set in

This time, it was historical

Like an earthquake no one ever expects

I was caught in a trap that I couldn’t get out of

its’ aftershocks sent me spiraling down

Into depression

Loss for want,

Loss for focus,

Loss for ability.

Fear crept in, whispering

“what if it happens again?”

The very thought flooded my eyes with more tears

But deep down I knew I had help,

I knew that I had God’s Favor and Grace

It was just up to me to force myself back up

out of the rubble,

Out of fear’s underground shelter

I did what I’ve known best through the years

Like a fighter in the ring who took a hard blow

I slowly got back up

Each day gets easier,

I have begun to pick up the pieces

Today, I’m winning

Self-care, my professors said

First and foremost, is ME.

This is self-care.

Prayer is my self-care

Perhaps saving me from my old self

Awakening new avenues within that never used to exist before

But it’s time

It’s the season

Today I awaken a new level of focus

Awakened levels and avenues, and thought processes

Keys to who I am today to who I will be tomorrow

Self-care they said.

Self-care will keep the anxiety at bay

Success in hand.

Today I’m Winning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Wait!

I used to say “I’m patiently waiting”, but today it hit me- why should I be waiting? Waiting around…. Aka loosing precious time that could be used to develop oneself even more so. Why should I be in hopes for something that I really just like the idea of and really just can’t wait for some things that really aren’t as important as we as humans make it out to be.  How can I truly enjoy my single season by LIVING it if I’m waiting?  Why wait? Perhaps it’s just me, maybe I am the only one- but I love the ability to make last minute plans, agree to anything I choose, and to stack my appts/plans back to back without ever having to worry about if that will work for someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe God did not intend for me to be alone, He’s got someone for me, but that is not the season that I’m in yet.

I am in the “love thyself first” season- so why should I let this time escape me by waiting for the next season? I also believe that if I spend time waiting & not living, then I’ve put this season on pause which ultimately means that this season will last longer and longer. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t want to take any chances. What I do know is past experiences with potential mates- in that, I wasted precious time, I was not in the realization of the blessing that being single is. It only comes but once!  I was in a rush to be with someone and was more than willing to settle for 5th best or 2nd best. I’d rather live and let that door open on it’s own and enjoy all my friendships. I’d rather be surprised. I’d rather be in a mental/spiritual state to enjoy the process when it comes- because that too, only comes once. At least for me and my future spouse it will only come once- “for better or worse, in sickness & health….til death do us part” 
So I won’t wait, I refuse. I vow to LIVE, to enjoy, to be in joy, to love myself, to pursue my passions, to inhale the beauty that God has placed in my NOW life.

Until next time,
Amanda

Get your priorities straight!

When I’m super tired and I favor my sleep over getting up, that’s one more missed opportunity, one more self-sabotaging move. I refuse to keep a treadmil-like life, going but never getting. #Thistime I’m moving forward, I refuse to make old choices. Sleep can wait.
So glad I made it to #Zumba this morning. If you don’t count it a priority, then you’ll always be making excuses why you didn’t go.

I realized IF I don’t count working out/Zumba as a priority, then I’ll always be making excuses why I didn’t do it.
I know some people may not understand the importance of Zumba to me- I have to look at the money I put into it is an investment to the future me. In order for me not to stay stuck like I was, I’ve got to do it. Even if that means that people I love question it.
This is me moving in forward motion, this is me knowing that I deserve this.
I’ve prayed about it, “God how am I gonna work out now that I’ve moved here?”. I was drawn to dance during our easter production prep, but I didn’t get it. Then, my step-mom invited me to Zumba one day. Now I’ve realized, God was telling me Zumba is my answer. That’s what zumba is, it’s dancing.